Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Flood '09' and Spring '09' Continues

I think I'm beginning to cave under the stress/pressure.

It has been 9 days since I've been flooded in and in those, usually not a problem being a married single mom 9 days, I've had Cowboy in Cammie's go to Fargo to assist with the Red River flooding, I've had two snow storms, every exit route (meaning dirt roads) from my house have been either flooded over or washed out, my oldest cowboybaby has missed school the whole time,my beagle keeps getting out of his kennel no matter what Gerry rigging or attempted carpentry I do and the guy who usually comes and pushes the snow out of my driveway so I can get out, his tractor broke.

I think I've done really quite well being flooded in. I've had the supplies I've needed. We have had to... stretch milk a bit, I've been baking all the bread and I am out of body wash and shampoo, but bar soap and baby shampoo works too. I'm counting my blessings, I have toilet paper, diapers, baby wipes and bottled water left. My house and truck isn't flooded, the sump pump is hooked up and ready to go for whenever the frost decides to let loose and my basement starts flooding like crazy, and my boys are happy and playing like nothing out of the ordinary is going on.

Today, after I thought I'd successfully fixed the beagle getting out (he'd stayed in all day yesterday) I heard my big lovable Vizsla barking and sure enough my fat little rolly polly beagle is out running through the snow drifts. At that point when my heart started racing and I could feel the tears starting to well up I realized... I'm not super woman after all.

Once again pep talk to myself again time...Cowgirl's don't cry, the boys can't see you cry, keep the attitude at the house positive, you can't fall apart..it's forbidden, you're the mom, the wife, you must keep it together at all times. Sigh! and I did, not a single tear made it's escape down my cheeks from the pools of stress and frustration that had puddled up in the corners of my eyes.

I hate ego busters. Not like I go around bragging what a great military wife I am or anything. I don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder, but that is the one aspect of my life I'd believed I'd kept on a path of continued success since I'd married the barrel chested love of my life in early 2000. For pity sake I've been through 2 deployments, too many to count work ups, schools, and training that left me waving goodbye with at least one babe on my hip.

I prided myself in knowing that when my darling had to be away, he wouldn't have to worry about back home He'd have the assurance that I could and would handle anything that was needed of me. A distracted soldier is a dead soldier. Yeah, I know, but something you have to learn.

I wasn't issued in his duffel bag, it's country and state first and we get him the leftover time. Come on woman pull yourself together, you've gone through surgery, a move, hospitalized children, house repairs, and family issues while he's away.

I've excepted where I rank, I'm fine with that. Oh but, a newly found weakness in myself had me ready to drop to my knees in the 12+ feet of snow throw my hands up and cry that I want my Cowboy!! I can't do this anymore, I can't be the housewife and mom, as well as the muscles and handyman. For once could the planets line up that when shit happens it's not while he's away. My answer was a blast of arctic wind on my face and a snotty nose. I get it! I know! Cowboy up, soldier up. That which does not break us only makes us stronger.

What's the point of my whining and slight pity party. I really don't have one except that...Men are always known as the stronger sex, but when you step back and look at the big picture who's really holding the rope of life together... frantically running to mend it whenever it tries to frey, slipping, falling, unable to cry through our calluses and never letting go for fear of it will never be picked up and too many depend on us. Our men depend on us and the Country depends on our men. A Little bit of responsibility for a 5'6 fluffy housewife.

There's my one moment of Mars vs Venus. I'm sure I'll be back to my chipper, doot de doo attitude tomorrow. We all have bad days, I just so happened to share mine.

Stay Warm

Cowgirl Lady

1 comment:

  1. Ugggghhhh hun I am so sorry! Beagles are very persistant creatures and I know that is not what you need right now!!! I wish that I was a lot closer so that we could be trapped together. LOL We could sure keep things lively for the kiddos. I miss ya hun and I am thinking about you always! Much Love, Me