Deep Breath, here we go again.
This morning at 0600 holding myself together best I could I watched the love of my life walk out the door of our hotel room in the city, going to catch a plane to begin his six week training of WTC.
I've known this was coming, I've been fine. I was fine this morning till my oldest hugged his dad and I saw the tears start running down his cheeks. That was it, I was done, tough as I am I can't watch one of my babes cry and not start bawling myself.
I'm not very much of a cryer either and I really don't cry in front of people very often, especially my kids. So, a few tears, comfort my oldest, hugs and cuddle all three, pull myself together and load up the truck and come home.
The 65 mile drive home was rather quiet, partially do to it was 7 o'clock in the morning and my kids were going back to sleep and partially because my oldest and myself where deep in thought. The younger two I think where not sure how to feel or react. The baby doesn't have a clue and middle little knows, but at 4 there is really no time conception so when we got home and he casually brings up about daddy coming home tonight, I realized, this is going to be a new experience for me.
I've done the whole, home and gone, home and gone. I've done the little kid asking where's daddy, but my oldest was just turned 3 when my husband got out of the Navy.
Firsts for me now...an eight yr old who's smart as a whip and doesn't miss a thing and now the shell of he's a tough little big cowboy is cracking, the waves of tears have been coming all morning. I comfort the best I can, but hugs and comforting words from mommy when a little guy wants his daddy only helps so much. Another first... A four year old full of questions with answers I don't have and thinking that six weeks means dad will walk through that door every time he asks.
It's the first day. I learned years ago that give me my few boo hoo days, I don't mean sit and bawl all day and be completely unproductive, I mean I'm aloud to be out of sorts for a few days damnit, after which I'll pull myself up by bootstraps and go about making my home and our lives as normal as possible without that missing silhouette of a barrel chested cowboy.
On we go, get yourself back in the swing of things girl, you're a military wife again. Hooah.